Melissa Roth -- Freespeak Blog

Change.   The immediate reaction to coming change is a clenching of muscles.    The trepidation, fear, or anxiety is not really about the idea of change as the uncertainty of change.   It is the lack of a direction. Many of us want to change something in our life.   We aren't happy with our hairstyle, job, car, home, or we want to stop smoking.   That is a clear "from".   We know what we don't like but not always want we would like instead.   It is only when we become clear about what we want to change "to" that contemplating change loses the ability to unnerve us.   We know what we don't want and fear the unknown.   We imagine the worst.   What if the new job is more boring or the new car is a lemon?   And it keeps us paralyzed.   We cannot make the change because we cannot visualize the new.   I find it helps me to imagine how I want to feel when I have the new whatever instead of just how I wa...

Forgiveness is vital to healing, growth and expanding creativity.   I know this.   I have worked for years on forgiving people, institutions, and animals in my life.   I have attended workshops, written and talked about it, prayed about it, and addressed forgiveness in therapy.   I know what a huge difference it has made in my life to let go, let go, let go. The most challenging part of the process was to forgive myself for my all my mistaken judgments and their resulting actions.   It has been worth it.   I have seen the changes in how I respond to the world.   I more easily forgive others, I understand other points of view, I don't take every action personally.   Yet, I find myself in a situation right now where old actions and choices that I thought long surrendered, have been biting me in the butt.   I have been believing with all my heart that I had done the work on forgiving myself and then bang! I have a friend that is...

I spent yesterday morning scouring the internet for fun musical events that I could take my cousin to when she comes to visit Thanksgiving weekend.   It is always interesting to look into a world you don't inhabit.   Since we rarely go out and even more rarely to any kind of club, it was a rabbit hole experience. We tend to be daytime visitors – museums, libraries, exhibits, festivals, shows, movies, dinner out…that sort of thing.   Even live music is something we tend to go to the early show to see.   It would be easy to say it is about age, but that would not be true.   I love having people over to the house to chat, play games, listen to music, and enjoy each other's company.   That would be my preferred evening entertainment any time.   It is more comfortable to be with people I know and love.   Visiting new places, meeting new people, anything different stimulates my mind and makes it hard for me to rest.   That's why I don'...

This week I went to my doctor for medicine refills and a check in.   I had been in April for my annual physical but forgotten to ask for a particular medicine I was almost out of and the policy is you must go for an appointment to get a refill.   My doctor is a 2 hour drive away, one way.   I have been seeing her for years and I really trust her.   I feel like she cares and I know she listens.   She has always been very conscious of my lack of insurance and out-of-pocket pay.   For instance, any time I needed tests or medication, she would explain all the options, costs, and reasons.   We always addressed my health as a team.   When I moved I didn't change doctors because of the Affordable Care Act.   We moved in 2012 and I knew I was going to get insurance (for the first time in 20 years) and I didn't want to have to change doctors twice.   I have a pre-existing condition so it was not an option until the ACA.   Now he...

Election Day 2013 is over.   The media in the past 8 months has spewed a torrent of information, speculations and opinion.   Every poll, every sound bite or news bit that might have an effect has been reported, dissected and belabored.   Much of the focus has been on a few races, mostly because they have "national consequences".   In New Jersey, Chris Christie has been reelected Governor to no one's surprise.    And in Virginia Terry McAuliffe won, to mingled relief and surprise.   Now we can relax and take a breath, right?   Perhaps the news will report on what changes could come in those states as a result of the election.   That would make sense and give us useful information.   So, how did cable news, newspapers, and mainstream media cover the election results?   By focusing on what it means for the 2016 Presidential election, of course.   It is not just the news media.   It is a pervasive societal ill. ...

When I was a child, November was my favorite month.   I loved the grey skies and would spend hours looking out the window at the clouds.   My heart resonated with the peace and reflective nature of the change in season. I always thought it was about the grey, but I have figured out it was being able to see the sky.   I lived where there were many tall trees, hills and mountains and the skies were hard to see.   When I looked out the windows in spring and summer all I could see were trees.   In winter the skies were generally dark and forbidding.   But November was different.   It was the first month that all the leaves would be gone and the trees were bare.   In November, the skies weren't dark, but a light and gentle grey.   I felt more like I could breathe when I could see the sky.   The tall trees and hilly landscape of my youth continue to call to me for their beauty, but I think I am in the flatlands for a reason. ...

Many of us have experienced the death of a family member.   In the throes of bitterness, grief, sorrow, anger, regret, relief, and pain that crop up, it is hard to determine what you might want as a tangible reminder of your loved one.   Sometimes everything is laid out ahead of time.   But more often than not, especially when someone dies unexpectedly, nothing has been decided or discussed.   We attach great import to the heirlooms we inherit.   In our culture, we aren't accustomed to dealing with death in a healthy manner.   We are an extroverted culture, therefore outwardly focused.   Processing and reflecting on feelings is not natural to us, so feelings of grief and sorrow often get buried under bitterness, rivalry, anger, and selfishness.   In the case of a death, whomever controls the possessions of your loved one gets to decide who gets what so you may not get a choice.   Sometimes you are given a choice and don't know wha...

Sadness engulfed, Heartbreak Hardship, Women suffer; Desperate Afraid, No recourse. Brief reprieve, Bullies win. Help outlawed Hope reft. Women suffer; Despair Pain, Stark lines. Theocratic rule Control Impose, Thousands trapped. Choice gone.