Melissa Roth -- Freespeak Blog

I have not been a fan of reality television. It has become a staple of television for the last 20 years and I have tried to watch it, a wide variety of it. I tried Dancing With the Stars because I like dancing and I love watching it in person. No go. I could not take the long build ups and chatter. I tried the show about diving and it was the same problem. I tried Survivor—too backstabbing and competitive. I tried The Bachelor—really there is not enough space to say what is wrong with that show. I tried Vanderpump, Real Housewives, Jersey Shore, Iron Chef and more. I couldn’t get past the first 15 minutes. The people did not seem real. There was so much grabbing for attention and pettiness. I don't spend time in my life with that sort of energy so I certainly am not going to people my virtual world with it. My only exception in all these years of the reality craze was Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. The cast actually came across as genuine, sweet and helpful. ...

Drama - in the last week I have spent hours on the phone with folks caught up in painful issues in their lives and people suffering chronic melodrama.   To me, the difference is in the response.   When something painful, tragic, or serious happens we always have a choice in how we react.   Belabor, question, whirl in a flurry of angst, agonize, go over every conversation again and again….   Or, talk it through with a trusted friend, write about it, accept, grieve, focus on how to take care of yourself.   The first reaction is wearying to listen to and I don't even want to think about how tiring it is to live. Why, why, why?   Why did he do that?   Why would she do that?   Why did he say that?   Why doesn't really matter as you cannot know!   Spending hours guessing at motives is not helpful.   Some of us might know our own motives for any actions we take, but I guarantee you don't and can't ever know why anyone else does wh...

Many years ago I read a self-help book that gave me an exercise to do.   It was to write down a description of your perfect day.   You had to write a detailed description of what you would like your life to look like on a daily basis in an ideal world. I don't know where the paper is that I wrote that description on, but just this week I realized that I'm living in line with my vision. My ideal day started out with a leisurely breakfast while reading the paper (check), meditation (check), then writing in the morning (check), a walk on the beach because in this vision I lived near the water (no check here, but I can look out the window at the trees and I can take a walk in the sunshine), time in the afternoon to contact friends, run errands (I know, I know – even in my dreams I run errands – always practical), read (check in the possible not always the reality), and cook dinner (check), and finally a cozy, loving evening with my sweetheart (check and check).  ...

Cedar trees must be singing "I Will Survive" at the top of their collective lungs this year.   The pollen is thick and flowing.   You can see it in the sky and feel it in your entire body—aches, sneezes, congestion, headache, coughing, chest tightness, and general malaise.   Everyone I talk to is commenting on it and I see the evidence every where I go.   I too am suffering from cedar fever.   I walk around like a person ready to make a speech- um, um, I say UHMM as I clear my throat for the 100 th time this morning.   Followed by a sneeze for emphasis.   The symptoms fluctuate between headache and congestion to sneezing and coughing with watery eyes, tiredness and aches. The sheer amount of pollen this year leads me to believe the cedar trees are in full out defense mode.   They must have heard the rumors and attacks in the Austin American Statesmen in letters to the editor suggesting we tear out all those water-sucking cedar trees ...

        River of worry Tired--tired through to the bone No rest. My mind spins in a circle Picking up new thought debris,         discarding the old. An eddy filled with silt, Building up Blockage and stagnation. No delta, no flow, Only around and around and around No answers, no rest A prisoner in my body Land-locked by my mind.

I you ever watched The Big Bang Theory you will know what I mean when I say that Sheldon won't let anyone else sit in his spot.    It is funny because it is an extreme example of a universal truth.   We all have a spot or spots where we feel comfortable.   There is a certain place in my house where I like to sit to watch TV and a certain chair I sit in at the dining room table.   I have a side of the bed.   I attend a weekly meeting with a group and I tend to pick the same side of the table and the same end of the table to sit.    These are my spots.   Even outside I have a spot.   In springtime when the trees are in bloom it is beautiful on my patio.   I have a melodious wind chime and I can watch the birds and meditate.   When I go to a restaurant, I usually like to sit on the edges of the room and I like to be able to see the door.   When I enter a lecture hall or church, I sit on the left toward the fron...

It has been a very trying journey to get the insurance.    Healthcare.gov was not my friend for 2 months.    I spent untold hours trying to purchase health insurance through healthcare.gov starting on October 6 and for the next 6 weeks.   Finally I called the 800 number and after 20 minutes I had an accepted application.   The very kind woman, Lisa, explained my eligibility and started discussing plans.   After 30 minutes I told her I just had to stop for the day.   My brain was truly overloaded. Figuring out the benefits and terms was nightmarish for a person who had not had insurance for almost 20 years.    The terminology alone is confusing – deductible, co-pay, premium, coinsurance, out-of-pocket, inpatient, habilitative, diagnostic – what is covered, what isn't, what counts, what doesn't?   I asked many questions and I kept researching.   Lots of jargon I had to decipher, so I made an appointment with a naviga...

Today, I was in my car at an intersection and there was a homeless man with a cardboard sign at the exit ramp.   His sign said he had not eaten in two days.   I felt sorry for him and started going round in my head how I could help.   He was 2 lanes over from me standing in the cold and rain.   I knew that the light was going to change before I could motion to him.   I wanted to help.   I believe that giving is a way to express my gratitude that all my needs are met.   I always want to help.   I am not comfortable with how to help.   I know I can give him some money and often do.   Today, someone in the lane next to him did just that.   I couldn't help but think of a dog getting a treat.   The whole procedure of opening your window and holding something out for a person.   And the man came trotting up to the window with his head hanging down and nodding thanks.   It doesn't seem to offer dignity.   Yet,...

I am becoming more and more a fan of Up with Steve Kornacki.   I loved Up when Chris Hayes was the host and thought it was an interesting show that discussed issues in depth with guests that had boots on the ground perspectives.   In other words, not the usual round of talking heads.   I quickly became a Saturday and Sunday regular.   I knew of Steve Kornacki from his spots on The Rachel Maddow Show.   I liked the historical information he gave in each segment he appeared in.   Then he guest hosted Up and I was very impressed with the job he did juggling 4 guests and keeping the conversation informative and flowing.   I was pleased when he got the job of permanent host when Chris Hayes moved to prime time.   It took a few months of adapting for him to make the show his own and not just a new face in Chris Haye's chair.   And he has done it.   Up with Steve Kornacki is unique because Steve does a complete historical analy...

I love putting jigsaw puzzles together.   It is my favorite way to relax.   I lose myself in examining shapes and colors and matching them.   I forget about any problems of the day, worries at the back of my mind, and my 'to do' list.   It is wonderful.   I especially love puzzles that have lots of different things on the picture.   Instead of one big flower, I like a bunch of smaller things and many different colors.   Some of the puzzles I have had the most fun doing have been the ones with a variety of objects within the picture.   For years I belonged to a jigsaw puzzle exchange group in Victoria.   It was great because for every 3 puzzles I bought, I got to do 15 or 20.   I could take them in once a month and exchange.   I got to do all sorts of puzzles that I would not have otherwise.   Puzzles are pretty expensive.   They range from four or five dollars to 20 or 30.   They take anywhere from tw...