Change "to"

Change.  The immediate reaction to coming change is a clenching of muscles.   The trepidation, fear, or anxiety is not really about the idea of change as the uncertainty of change.  It is the lack of a direction.

Many of us want to change something in our life.  We aren't happy with our hairstyle, job, car, home, or we want to stop smoking.  That is a clear "from".  We know what we don't like but not always want we would like instead. 

It is only when we become clear about what we want to change "to" that contemplating change loses the ability to unnerve us. 

We know what we don't want and fear the unknown.  We imagine the worst.  What if the new job is more boring or the new car is a lemon?  And it keeps us paralyzed.  We cannot make the change because we cannot visualize the new. 

I find it helps me to imagine how I want to feel when I have the new whatever instead of just how I want it to look.   For instance, with a job I can visualize someplace that is clean and quiet, where I am using my skills and talents in my work.  That sounds fine, but a little vague. Even if I become specific about the tasks, it is difficult.  On the other hand, if I imagine feeling purposeful, comfortable, challenged, interested, and valued, that fleshes my vision out and I can start moving toward that goal. 

When you have a clear idea of what you want to change to, then change itself becomes much easier.  Most of us can brace ourselves, take a deep breath and plunge forward when we know where we are headed.  The key to getting past fear of change is to figure out what you want that change to feel and look like. 

Usually we start with what we don't like about our life or what is not working.  Then start thinking about what you want the change to look like. 

If you don't like your home, what don't you like about it?  I don't like mine right now and I can tell you exactly why – it is too small, too crowded, too noisy, paved and there is not enough privacy.  So I keep in my mind the picture of what I want instead.  I don't know exactly what it will look like, but I have an idea. 

I want a feeling of space, a larger living area and kitchen.  I want to look out a window and see some grass and trees because that feels peaceful.  I want some sense of privacy and not have the neighbors and noise of apartment living.  I want an open living area.  I have a whole list of specifics that I want but it is that feel of "home" that I am looking for. 

When too much is changing at once it can seem overwhelming.  So I find that making small changes, incremental changes is the best plan for me.  I couldn't change my home today, or at least not easily, but I can paint a wall, move some furniture, clean, or buy some fresh flowers for the table.  I can refresh and reignite a feeling of hominess.  I can love where I am and not like it at the same time.

Change can be an adventure and it can vastly improve our lives.  To embrace change direction makes all the difference.  Having a toward is key.