Melissa Roth -- Freespeak Blog

Let Go peace ramp up faster, faster lightning strikes peace infusion. slide slowly down, to the floor smiling serene, at rest, at last.

Yesterday I had a marathon tv series arc watching day on Netflix. You know, where you watch a couple of seasons of some favorite show all at once to get the full impact of the arc of the story and the writers intent. Or at least that was the idea. It was great storytelling too. I was caught up in it and wanted to see how things worked out. I was interested in the characters and identified with one in particular. I just couldn't stop watching. But after several hours, I found myself fast forwarding through some scenes - the ones I deemed not important to the storyline as a whole. Or I found my mind drifting through others because I didn't care about that character as much. I got very invested in 'The End' and wanted to rush to it. I was focused on a specific characters and their personal relationships and wanted to disregard what I thought did not matter. As if they were one-dimensional characters and every decision didn't contribute to the whole. Th...

It is so easy to fall into old habits – like the one where you let someone else determine the course of your day and then blame them when things go wrong. I abrogate my responsibility for my choices and then I can wallow in my righteous resentment. Not taking responsibility seems to be a theme lately. So being angry at someone else is not a serious option and being angry at myself is really not the answer either – although it would take up some time and keep me from getting anything constructive done. The only answer that makes sense in a residual good result for myself is to take responsibility for my own actions. I want to feel more connected to my own life. I act like I believe I am driven by forces determined by someone else when I am the person deciding what I do and when I do it. My schedule is up to me.

I'm not judging judging. A friend was telling me a story the other day about how much another friend had hurt their feelings. This person felt judged and found wanting for how they handled a circumstance in their life. I could empathize. I know what it feels like to have someone you care about insult or question how you feel and what you do. Their feelings were truly hurt and they felt rejected. I've felt that too. The feelings are valid and I understand. I know how those feelings have affected me. I have learned that feelings of rejection, anger, and suffering only hurt me. It is especially damaging when I am wallowing in self-righteousness and recounting the ills to someone else. I am then committing the exact same betrayal of friendship that I feel was done to me. In this situation, I also found myself judging the person (also my friend) who had judged my friend. Now there's a pickle. I am judging, judging. So, today I am striving to not respond with...

Yesterday my husband left for an out-of-town business trip. I had hours of free time with no pressure to complete any tasks, not even self imposed ones. It was delicious. He had prepared so well that we were really able to enjoy some fun and sharing in the morning before he left. It was calm and relaxed. I enjoyed the quiet. I read, watched tv, stretched, played some games, and enjoyed just being. It was so nice to not hear constant noise, (apparently all my neighbors were outside or away-Hooray!) that I stayed up late reading and writing. I felt energized and filled with peace. I knew I had nothing time sensitive scheduled in the morning, so I assumed I could sleep in a little. Unfortunately, Cyclops upstairs did not sleep in and was running full speed at 6:30 am and then the FedEx trucks started up and people were starting their cars and motorcycles. So my long night of sleep was cut short. In the past I might have gotten into a cycle of self-flagellation. You know t...

Self-Pity High above the crowd she stands bowed with the weight of the ungrateful world. On her pedestal of misery for all to see.

Some days I wake up and feel positively sluggish. I cannot get my brain in gear. I usually end up feeling down about myself because I feel I am not pushing myself hard enough. I know that isn't right but it is the kind of hole I can fall into. There are a few things and that can get my brain moving and help me feel better about me. One is to get busy with something. Most often it is not the task or responsibility I think I should be doing or need to do, but usually there is something I can do. I mentally go through my endless to do list to see if there is any task I can think of to do, that I can make myself do right now? Tackling a task low on the priority list and accomplishing it often leads to being able to do the next higher thing on the list I try to pick something like filing. It is a low brain power activity yet it is important and always needs to be done. If that doesn't work, I pick something else like errands. Anything that will slowly work my brain into...

The other day, a friend said they realized in their career, that although they had been very successful, they had not taken the effort to become a craftsman. It struck a chord in me. I thought that sounded like me. I don't like to take the time to really learn something and become expert at it - I get interested in things and I learn them well enough and even become successful, but then I stop. I have written scripts-strategic plans-books-poetry-blogs; taught film-culture-soft skills-job skills-computer classes; I was a Feng Shui consultant; I studied for the ministry and did two funerals and a wedding; read tarot cards and created my own version of a tarot deck; became a Reiki practitioner; and so many other things. It isn't that I cannot do any of those things and enjoy them, but I only do them for people I know or myself. I don't reach out and do it as an avocation, I don't persist in following a path to higher education or advanced study. I alwa...

Solidarity--standing together as a unit for the rights of all. A simple concept and one we celebrate on May Day - May 1. Mostly solidarity is associated with the rights of workers, but I extend the idea. Aren't we are workers? Working for our livelihood, the weekend, out of passion, to expand our consciousness, to build a life with someone, to raise a family, to leave the world a better place, and to get through the day. So we all want workers to have rights. I know I want to have the right to work in a safe place, to earn a livable wage, to make personal choices about my self and my family, for a good education and a chance to move up the ladder. And I want those rights extended to all people. So today, May Day, I stand in solidarity with humanity. If we all stand together and demand equality, decency, dignity, and peace; it will be ours. A peaceful empowering May Day to all!