Melissa Roth -- Freespeak Blog

I had been chiding myself or really driving myself crazy trying to figure out how to address the torrent of shocking, frightening, unbelievable new policies, orders and changes to our society.  I have been zooming back and forth – a call here, a letter there, a petition, protests, town halls, posting – trying to figure out what I can do.  The feeling of inadequacy is compounded by my physical limitations.  This morning I realized that if I had 500 times the energy and 1000 times the physical strength, stamina, and fitness I still wouldn’t be able to address all that I care about.  There is simply too much.    There are numerous things that touch on my personal life, things that hurt people I know and love, and things that are wrong and impact many people.  I am for free speech, civil rights, reproductive rights, voting rights, equality, a welcoming immigration system, a government that works for the people.  I care about education, social servic...

I wonder how much of my jaded instantaneous instinct to squelch is learned and how much is a part of my personality.  I so quickly turn to no.  Yet, I feel that as a child I was sunny.  I was bright and wanted to believe in hope and good.  My experiences as a child and the ways of reacting to life I saw as examples in my life were the exact opposite of hope and good.    How much damage did the abuse do?  What did it change or form in me? Was nature part of it – did I pick up skepticism from my parents through DNA?  It is easy to trace some responses in my life directly to what I saw modeled.  Other things I have worked for years to change my reaction to learn a new way.  That is just as important and it might be that it only redirected me back to my natural essence.    I wonder about these things.  And a part of me examines my thoughts and responses to events in life from things as simple as a chance remark overheard t...

 High up in my tree, the turbulent elements of my life far below, I am free.  I look out over the rolling hills and fields lined with houses.  This is my happy place.  I feel safe, protected, and alone.  Sometimes, I settle into the crook of the branch, smile ready to enter a better world and I open my book.   A book always contains a new world to explore.  I can inhabit a world away from the reality of your daily life whatever that looks like.  It is a way to see how others live and experience life, maybe they went through the same thing I did and  handled it differently or maybe they had worse or better home lives.  And when I am reading scifi or fantasy books it is because I want to experience a life completely out of this world.  Mysteries can be comforting because there is always an answer and most of the time the good guy wins.  Biographies and poetry help me know I am not alone.     Sometimes I look ou...

Two years ago I was living a different life. I had friends and an active social life—parties, dinners, gatherings, game nights, theater, and lunches. I was teaching a film and culture class to middle school aged children and loved it. I was active in a jigsaw puzzle exchange and Democratic party politics. I was having planning meetings about the coming 2012 election. I was living in my dream house. I was part of a group that met regularly to discuss our dreams, fears, obstacles, and help each other strategize about our lives.  I was living in a small community that had been home for 26 years. I knew who I was. I was settled and set.   The last 2 years have been almost constant change. Every time I get used to something being a certain way, it changes. I live in a city. I live in an apartment. I don't really have much of a social life. I am not active in politics. I am part of a movie club that I am helping with, but it is not filling a desire for me....