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Fast Forward Through Life


Yesterday I had a marathon tv series arc watching day on Netflix. You know, where you watch a couple of seasons of some favorite show all at once to get the full impact of the arc of the story and the writers intent. Or at least that was the idea.

It was great storytelling too. I was caught up in it and wanted to see how things worked out. I was interested in the characters and identified with one in particular. I just couldn't stop watching.

But after several hours, I found myself fast forwarding through some scenes - the ones I deemed not important to the storyline as a whole. Or I found my mind drifting through others because I didn't care about that character as much. I got very invested in 'The End' and wanted to rush to it. I was focused on a specific characters and their personal relationships and wanted to disregard what I thought did not matter. As if they were one-dimensional characters and every decision didn't contribute to the whole.

This morning I woke up thinking about a particular storyline and wondered what 'The End' of that one was and realized it must have been one of the scenes I fast forwarded through because I thought it wasn't important. I had decided what mattered in the story without knowing the whole story and watched accordingly. I had also decided who was important to pay attention to without listening to what they had to say.

What a mirror for my life.

I decide who I need to pay attention to or listen to without hearing them. I rush through my days sometimes and have no idea what happened in some of the minor storylines in my life. I made decisions, I interacted, but what of it if I wasn't really present. I find myself fast forwarding through my own life because I am so focused on 'The End' (the results instead of the process) that I miss important details in the story. And it's my story.

It is only when I am flying through life not paying attention to all of it that I miss half of my own story. I am missing the storytelling of my own life, because all the elements that make up my life and all the characters that appear in my story matter. And I don't get to pre-decide which ones. Sometimes a chance encounter, a small choice, a quiet hour, can make a lifelong difference. Being present in my life and paying attention in the moment, is my story. This is not about getting to the end. It is about living my life.

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