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Mountain Out of a Molehill - Or Not


I was not happy with my hair, it needed a trim. My hairstylist was out of state and out of reach at the moment so I decided to go ahead and get it trimmed. I called a stylist a friend recommended. She was very nice and fit me in right away.

The thing is, as so often has happened with me and hairstylists, I was saying one thing, the stylist was confirming what they thought I was saying and we meant different things. So I end up with…not what I wanted. I am grieving the loss of my hair. I spent 18 months growing it and now it is all chopped off. There is no blame, she was trying to do what she believed I wanted and I was trying to be clear about what I wanted.

The problem is with my reaction to what is really a minor incident. Hair grows. It is not the end of the world. My reaction is out of proportion because I am putting too much emphasis on how I look.

Somehow I think my external is going to make the internal better and feel more safe and give me clear guidance on who I am now. It's the other way around.

I act as if I create the perfect external - hair longer and the perfect color - atmosphere - home - environment - quiet, comfortable, light, hospitable, and I can make me look just right - just Austin enough to fit, then my internal will match the external. There is no perfect external. There is always another tweak or addition or change. Because as long as I am unsettled inside, I cannot be satisfied with the outside. How is it that I forget this as often as I do?

It's an inside job. When I am feeling centered and spiritually content, my outer world is a safe and pleasant place. Staying in connection with my source and knowing I can always count on that connection is key to my seeing minor events as minor. It is all so much more manageable when I realize I don't have to manage every single tiny detail. And, in fact, I don't have the power to manage every detail. Letting go of the external and paying attention to cleaning up my inner world is the sweet spot of peace for me.

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