Making Friends My Way

Making friends.  I have been thinking lately about my sparse social life in my new home.  I know as an introvert it is more challenging to make friends.  After all, when you don't go out as much, it is difficult to meet people.  I have made a couple of friends and I am going out a little.  I have been doing more in the last few months.  I am not trying to copy the social experience I had in my old home.  I lived there 26 years and had a pretty solid circle.  I am trying to open my horizons a littler wider here and to be able to enjoy some things I am interested in with other like-minded individuals.

I have sort of been dipping toes here and there and believing it was only a matter of time.  I know I am slow to develop friendships and make a connection, but once made it is damn near unbreakable.  I have been friendly when I go anywhere and keeping as aware as possible of people who seem simpatico.  It didn't seem to be working.  There never seemed time to be comfortable enough to make a connection.

Over the weekend I went to visit many friends where I used to live.  It was lovely.  I had some great conversations and reconnections.  I also talked about my social life here and how different it is from what my social life was there. 

Over the course of the weekend a new aspect of my personality and situation became clear.  The way I have developed friendships in the past (all my life really) has been very slowly and carefully.   I have relied upon the slow familiarization process.  Almost all the friends I have or have had I made through consistent meetings over time combined with gradual confidences and overtures.  I have friends I made through organizations where we saw each other again and again at meetings or events and gravitated together.  We made connections and shared interests which grew into friendship.  I have friends where the same process happened at a job or at a church or a class.  I even have friends who worked some where I went often and we got to know and like each other.    

I realized I have no one in my life whom I just met on the street or in the store or at one event that became my friend.  Now that doesn't mean it cannot happen.  It does mean that I have no experience with it happening.  So instead of waiting for someone to sort of pop into my vision, I think I can approach this differently.

I can seek out things I am interested in and see if there are groups who meet regularly so I can join and meet people over time.  I can take a class or join an organization.  I believe it will be very important to pick things in which I have a genuine and deep interest.  And to pick things that I can move slowly and gradually get to know people. 

I can be proactive in deciding what things matter to me and attend those first as an energy management practice.  I am seeing a whole new dimension to social interaction.  I think the very best part of this awareness is I have released the guilt I was feeling about being incapable of making friends.  I am not incapable, I just need to do it in my way.