We are each a product of our own minds and of how we imagine
ourselves to be. We are a product of our
age, our background, our experiences.
Some of the watermarks are set at an early age and some are fluid. For instance, we carry our individual ideas
about what success means. Most people
are taught one way or another what the trappings of success are in their
community, family, or society and also what it means to be a failure.
No one has the right answer, there isn't a right answer or
every answer is right. I consistently
hear people claim that nowadays children cannot expect to do better than their
parents. What does that really
mean? I know what they mean by that
statement, but what is better and who determines it?
Maybe better is being at peace with yourself, knowing who
you are, doing work you love, being a good parent, or giving back to society. And maybe an aspect of better involves having a different
socioeconomic experience than your parents.
The better experience that we each decide is success for us is defined
by what we want in life.
Right now, we are looking for a new home. I started out knowing what I did not
want—looking out the window at a parking lot and in other people's windows. But what did I want? There were a few things that were easy to put
on the list and while that narrowed down the available options, it didn't give
me the clarity I seek.
The more I thought about it, the more questions I had for
myself and my husband. Who did we want
to be, what sort of lifestyle were we looking for, what part of town, what
things mattered most? I thought about
how much I have enjoyed the low maintenance aspect of apartment living. There are advantages—a gym, no lawn care,
packages held for me, pest control and repairs done. It's nice.
Then I compare the lack of privacy, the noise, the stairs, and the
temporary feeling of not being settled somewhere.
I have spent the last 2 months searching for a home on all
the physical and virtual roads I can find.
It has been a real exercise in trust.
To keep finding places that were close, that almost worked, that if just
one thing were different would work and then keep on looking was tedious and
depressing. I finally saw that I needed
to figure out who I am, who I want to be in Austin, how I want to live, and how
to coordinate my needs and wants with my husband's before I could clarify my
vision.
I like the idea of urban modern Melissa in her compact
little condo, bared down and using smaller spaces effectively. Yet, I don't actually know how to live that way
and I am not sure I want to. I love the
idea of Earthy Melissa – all beautiful gardens and gracious house. Yet, I know I won't really garden or take
care of that kind of yard and I am not really an outdoors person. I don't completely like the idea of suburban
Melissa all big yards, big houses, and garden tubs. It feels like I am taking up too much space
and yet that is what I grew believing was the ideal-a home with space, light, beauty-a
nest with trees and a yard.
So, the challenge becomes how to find the balance between
low maintenance, comfort, space, light, trees, and affordability. I know that most people don't go through this
kind of self-examination when moving, but I am very much a homebody and I
really identify with where and how I live.
It is one of the ways I express my personality and beliefs.
I am the product of my mind through my beliefs and
commitments. I have changed so many
benchmarks of success from what I was taught.
I know I am happier than my
parents. I know I am healthier than my parents. I know I am able to express and accept love
easier than my parents. I know I am more
introspective and more educated. So,
does the fact that I am not as financially secure as they were mean I am not
doing "better"? I don't
believe it.
Comments
Post a Comment