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Regrets

have been thinking about regrets lately.   What I have realized is that all my regrets about the past are really more about fears of the future.   I don't regret things I haven't done.  It isn't that there aren't things that would have been productive, constructive, or fruitful for me to do.  There are many.  And there are things that would have been fun, interesting, exciting or given me a very different life.  At any point in my life there were myriad paths to take and looking back I can see why I chose what I chose and how one choice led to another. 

I find my life satisfying.  I am pretty happy with who I am and where I am and how I live.  What I find myself regretting are choices that I somehow believe would have resulted in a different reality tomorrow and even today.  Like wishing I had taken better care of my body when I had injuries or illnesses so that I were in better health now.  Like wishing I had taken certain jobs so that I would have a pension or savings for retirement.  My wishful thinking shows a clear lack of trust in my inner wisdom.

My regrets are all connected to fears about the future.  Every day is filled with choices that could result in something different down the road.  Some are easy to see.  Certainly I could see that no job would end in no retirement.   But the choices aren't easy to make and the results aren't clear.   Maybe that certain job would have resulted in degraded health or a different life partner.  Maybe this…maybe that… what if… there is no way to know.

And even if I had a crystal ball that could tell me what could have been definitively, I have no way of going back and changing any decision I have ever made.  Spending time and energy regretting the past only robs me of my present.  If my fears are all about the future, the past isn't really relevant. 

What is helpful is to spend my time and energy making choices toward the future I want from exactly where I am now.  Sitting in today, in the reality of today, whatever that might be like, is my starting place.  I start from now.   I can choose to value the path I have taken and know that my journey is far from over.  I release regret and embrace the value and grace of free will. 
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