Weird Stuff Happens

Weird stuff happens to your body when you get old.  And nobody warns you about it.

One day you look at your hands and your feet and see that your fingers and toes are gnarled—gnarled!  When did that happen?  Why did that happen?  What did I do or not do to make that happen?  Maybe, it is as simple as I kept breathing.

Nobody warned me about these things.  I knew, I mean it is commonly repeated over and over that your body wears out and you get aches and pains and your memory goes.  Okay, I get that, but this stuff is different.

My hair is falling out for no reason. And there are strange pockets and folds and dips and ridges in my body.  I swear they were not there yesterday.  When I look in the mirror one side of my body looks different from the other side.  What does this mean?  What is gong on? 

I always had oily skin and now I need to slather moisturizer on from head to toe—TWICE a day.  My skin, which used to incite compliments and felt so silky, even to me, now is rough and bumpy.  I get cold from slight breezes, but only in certain places like my upper arms or my ankles.  I wear socks at night because of the lack of circulation in my feet. 

I expected aches and pains.  Everyone led me to believe I would have them although not in every place at once.   I have to use ointments, creams, and medicines throughout the day.  My dresser looks like a drugstore display counter. Time consuming and tedious and necessary.   

But this shifting of the landscape, the change in my physical self is surprising and disturbing.  Nothing is life threatening, but all of it is life impacting.  I have to adjust my routines, change my plans, accommodate for what might happen, take extra clothes, say no to things.  I see my world changing and my attitudes about what to do or not do and how to care for myself altering.  Perhaps, that is why no one ever told me these things would happen.  Perhaps it is so universal they did not think it needed to be said. 

I know there are plenty of old people who are out running marathons and competing in bowling tournaments.  There are folks in their 80's and 90's who look decades younger and act it.  They act like they are 40. 

I don't expect to be one of those people, heck I didn't do any of that when I was 40.  So, no I didn't expect to be more able at 60.  I'm thrown by the suddenness of the decline.  It seemed as if I went downhill and changed almost overnight.  I get the wearing out of the body being just like a car and I am working to maintain my jalopy. 

Still, when I look at my body I see a stranger.  I see spots and bumps and ridges.  I see a skin that doesn't look like mine.  I see scary changes.  Because "at my age" every change could be a symptom or an indicator of something serious.  My feet don't look like mine.  I don't recognize my neck or my hands.  A distorted face looks at me in the mirror.  I see an alien surface.  I struggle to find me in there.  And I can't help but wonder if I'm changing that much on the inside.