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Rediscovering the Mission

I lost the mission.  Slowly, over the last year.  An erosion of my faith and sense of purpose.  Bits of silt and debris built up in my psyche and algae grew on the stagnant water.  I felt as though I was in a dark, cloudy, muddy creek bed.  I lost faith, then trust, and finally hope.  My spiritual soundness and stability was completely shaken.

There were too many losses and fears.  I couldn't move and couldn't see what way was forward.  I felt like I was in a vicious storm-- tossed from one crises to another and I couldn't find anything to hang on to.  I couldn't see a path that didn't end in death and devastation. I didn't even see a way out.  A lapse in faith, a storm of stress, trauma, loss, fear and weariness have taken their toll.  I am not who I was or where I was. 

In the last month things have changed.  A tiny eddy started and grew and stirred up the water.   What began with slight movement is now a running stream.  I am rediscovering my purpose, my sense of self in the universe, how I can contribute and what I am here to do.  I am ready to venture forth again and engage in life.   It has been too long and too dark. 

I haven't fully regained faith, hope, or trust, but I get glimpses.  I see rays of sun and feel bursts of enthusiasm.  There are moments when I can be so present that time ceases to exist. 

My connection to source and my divine nature are becoming clear like the rocks in the bottom of a river when the mud settles.  I see where I am and I am able to feel the coolness of the stream, the wind rustling the leaves of the trees overhead and my aliveness in this moment. 

I am filled with gratitude most of the time and the increasing flashes of hope for the future are precious to me.  I know that there is a path forward now and I know that I have a place on that path. 


I'm back on the mission. And the mission is to follow the path, stay present, immerse myself in faith, hope, and trust.
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