A Crazy Time and Respite

It has been three years since I wrote anything in my blog.   What a tumultuous time.  There has been such a torrent of change and chaos on a daily basis that it has been hard to gather my thoughts enough to tell a story.  Or even do more than react to the latest news.

Yet, through the last 4 months of sheltering in place I have had time to do more writing and more thinking.  I am listening more, reading more and paying attention to inner callings more. 

My job has been put on hiatus like so many others.  I miss getting into people’s space and helping them bring order and ease to their life through organizing.  I miss talking to people to help them figure out what they really want to keep, to release, and to move.  So, I have had to practice accepting what is.  COVID-19 is a reality and it is highly contagious therefore I have to live in a pandemic world.  

It has been strange almost surreal at times.  And, of course, here in Texas as in much of the US, wearing of masks is not an easily adopted practice.  In some countries where there are more severe pollution risks it is common for masks to be worn and often.  And where there have been outbreaks of disease that required masks it was normal to don them. 

So, in this pandemic world I had to wrap my mind around wearing a mask, only going out to the store or necessary medical appointments, not hugging anyone, doing all my connection through a blurry webcam and more than anything--uncertainty.  I discovered that the undercurrent of stress connected to uncertainty has been more difficult than all the rest.

The questions ran a loop through my mind relentlessly for the first 6 weeks--about what is safe and what isn’t, what is okay to do and what isn’t, when will this end, how will it end, what can I do to help?  How do I get more information?

Then the questions changed to can we get through this?  What has happened to the America I thought I knew?  Clearly the idea of American exceptionalism is over.  The failure at every level to deal with this crisis in a responsible manner is inescapable. 

And while I work to accept the world as it is and do my best to adhere to guidelines for safety, I go deeper within.  I am meditating more than I ever have in my life.  Shout out to the Optimistic Meditator https://www.theoptimisticmeditator.com/ who has been a real beacon in this time.  I am writing again.  I am sitting and enjoying sunsets and breezes.  I watch the birds.  I am making more calls and sending cards. 

I choose to focus on the many new opportunities to slow down, to pay attention to things that really matter, to prioritze my needs and causes, to be willing to delay gratification for the good of all.  The sense of community and coming together over serious systemic problems in our society is heartening.  I give thanks for today and what is mine to do.