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Relate Much


Family.  A small but loaded word.  Thanksgiving is just past and many of us had a family experience over the holiday.  A family get together can be a land mine of emotion, anticipation, anxiety, and obligation. 

If you wondered why shoppers by the millions rushed out to the stores on Thanksgiving instead of waiting one more day.  Family might be the reason.  Not because there is not love or caring, but because it is fraught with discomfort.  You see people at the holidays that you have the barest of communication with throughout the year. 

The idea that blood binds you together is deep in our psyche.  Yet, I know many people who dread that family get together and the attending arguments, expectations, uncomfortable silences, massive amounts of preparation and inevitable letdown.    

You are related, there is a blood connection and sometimes a heart connection.  Often there is not.  Increasingly we live in our own bubble worlds and there is no meeting of the minds.  Picture a Venn diagram with floating circles far to the left and right with no overlap.   

It is easy to believe that if you just stay away from talking about politics you will all get along.  But we aren't just disagreeing about policies, it is an entire world view. 

We exist in separate worlds.  Think about it.  What are your interests…music, movies, tv shows, books, news sources, recreational activities, work, causes, beliefs?  How do you view the world?  What are your fears and concerns?   When you start looking, it is easy to see that many times the differences between people go far beyond politics.  Pinning the distance on politics is easy, yet it is much more all encompassing.   It is about how we live our lives and what we value. 

I say all this not to discourage family gatherings, but to release the pressure.  It's okay if you don't have anything in common with some folks in your family except blood.  It's okay if you can be comfortable with not discussing your life or explaining yourself.  It's okay to limit your time. It's okay not to discuss  politics.  It is okay to be you. Give yourself a break.  And while you're at it, give everyone there a break.  Try accepting each person (including yourself) for exactly who they are right now, and let the rest go. 

Remember, just because we are related doesn't mean we relate.
 
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