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Judgment

I feel like my spiritual well is very shallow right now.  I have been spending an inordinate amount of time navel-gazing and I don't like what I see.   And what I see is judgment.  I realized I had a soundtrack of carping, complaining, and disapproval going on, whatever else I was doing or saying or thinking, there was a background noise of judgment. 

I kept feeling more and more depressed and hopeless.   My life seemed an endless round of errands, household tasks, business tasks, physical therapy coupled with aches and pains.  Trapped in my own small world. 

Finally, I saw that the judgment was all stemming from fear.  I was letting fear control me and run my every waking moment.  Probably some of my sleeping ones too.  In fact, I am sure of it.  My dreams have not been fun.

So, what way to jump when I don't like where I am?  Therein lies the problem.  I don't know.  I am in that place where I don't like here but I am not sure where I want to be.  It is not clear.  I know from past experience that first I have to figure out what is not working, what I don't like, and what I don't want.  Then, and only then, can I visualize and turn toward what I do want.   Right now I am building the list of no's in order to compile the list of I prefers.

Another thing I have learned from experience is that feelings are temporary.  I won't feel this way forever.  Things will change, I will change and my feelings will change.   The discomfort I am feeling is what is giving me the impetus to examine my feelings, to seek more answers, to make some changes in my life.  I don't like feeling discontented and shrewish, but it is part of the path.  Onward to restless and active, which leads to hopeful new beginnings.
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  1. Dennis TardanMarch 12, 2014 at 10:02 AM

    I honor your journey and your willingness to look at yourself in the spiritual mirror. The first glimpse can be unsettling but past that, comes new insights into myself, my gifts, my direction. I'm honored to be with you on this journey.

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