Do

What do you do? When I hear that question I panic.  And more often lately, with annoyance.   Now, I truly don't know what people mean by that question, but what I hear is "what are you paid to do?, what is your worth?"  And I haven't got an answer.  At least I don't have the answer I have decided they want.  I don't have the 'here is the box I fit in' answer. 

I think part of the reason is that any answer I think of comes in the form of a gerund, i.e. it is happening, in process.  What do you do indicates some action or task or job.  The answers that flood my are growing, evolving, thinking, organizing, managing, writing, creating, loving, accepting, and living.  I am proving my worth as a human being and working on acceptance, truth, reality and me.  I am speaking the truth of who I am and sharing with the world.  I am constantly uncovering my glory and discovering new layers of self-awareness.  I am "doing" all these things and more. 

There is no one thing I do that I can point to and there is no thing that anyone pays me directly to do.  I have a more elusive, expansive, emerging existence than I could describe in a simple way.  Even if I chose to answer with labels, I would need so many: writer, teacher, guide, cook, organizing genius, introvert, philosopher, ceremonialist, blogger, seeker, and metaphysician.   What I am doing is the work of my life. 

I wish we asked each other things like, "what do you find interesting?, what is important to you?, how do you spend your leisure time?, what do you love about the work you do?, do you believe in self-examination?, what inspires you?"  There are so many questions we can ask that will tell us something vital and help us to better know each other. 

I get stymied by "what do you do?" every time.  I know it is my issue.  I can answer any way I choose.  And I am not consciously choosing to be frozen.  It is my quirk that when I am asked a direct question, I try to answer exactly as asked.  It is the very reason I always did well on tests in school, I could always answer exactly as the teacher wanted.   In the development of relationships, it doesn't work the same way.   

I want to use the opportunity of that question as a tool to advance the relationship instead of an excuse to shut off communication.  I want it to be a chance for me to expose some of myself and to be real.  I administer our business, I organize, maintain, and manage our home and finances, I write a blog, I give readings, I exercise, I read, I dream, I meditate, I evolve, I grow, I look for truth, I tell a story.  I love.  I live.  I am.