My Own Authority

Time for my annual physical.  I am anxious.  I guess it is the holdover of physicians as "authority" figures in my life.  Doctors were in that category of people you must obey.  When I was growing up no one questioned doctors, police, ministers, or teachers.  They were in charge and you did what they said even if you didn't know why you were supposed to do it or it did not feel right.

I have learned to question doctors as well as other authority figures.  I do my own thinking and, when it comes to health care, my own deciding.  I research as much as I can, check in with my own intuition and my knowledge of my own body and then I follow a course of action or treatment.   This works best when I can partner with a doctor who respects the autonomy of my body and my decisions. 

Unfortunately, due to the ACA and private insurers being my only option, I have had to change insurance companies three times in the last three years which has also required doctor changes.  The plans were no longer available, the doctors I was with didn't stay with the insurer and so on.   It is quite a challenge to "keep your doctor".   I guess that works with company-provided insurance but not through the marketplace.  Especially in a place like Texas where healthcare is not on the side of the patient.

So, this week I am going to a brand new doctor.  I researched and picked the best doctor with the best reviews within my network and general geographical area that I could find. The rest is up to fate, the winds, a higher being….  All I can do is take my concerns, my information, my questions, and show up. 

The anxiety is partly about change and partly about having to explain myself.  When you get to be my age you have a long history and having to try and remember it all (because of course no one forwards these "supposed" digital medical files) and regurgitate it at will is an obstacle.  I envy my husband being in the VA health system as every doctor he goes to knows his history – they just check their computer and viola - his medications, surgeries, tests, results, and diagnoses. 

I, on the other hand, have to remember my history, my families history and write it all down each time I go to any doctor.  I have to remember my lab test results and my medications.  I sound gripey and I feel that way.   There is something about having to explain how I feel to that "authority" figure that I know what I know about me that is grating.   There have been times when I was patted on the head and told it was all in my head.  I have had my concerns or ideas dismissed.  I have been treated as though what I was saying was crazy.   I have been misdiagnosed and sent for useless tests or treatments.  

I have also had a couple of great doctors that I worked with and felt like we were keeping me healthy together.  There is no reason that wouldn't be true again.  It stems from my own confidence in my care of my own health.  Am I doing all I can to be healthy?  I certainly am doing all I can emotionally, mentally, and physically combined.  And we are whole human beings – all those things are part of the package.   I am doing pretty good and I believe this could be an easy and helpful checkup.  That's going to be my approach.  Prepare my questions and information and then go to the doctor like a grown up.   Here is what I am concerned about, here is what I need from you and here is where I would like to get.   That's it.  I am the authority of my body.