Self doubt is an interesting thing. To not trust yourself with the most mundane and
important thing imaginable-your own needs.
For instance, I feel hot but I don't believe I should be hot, so I go
check the thermostat. What is that
about? It is about not trusting myself,
not believing I matter. To be so disrespectful
of myself as to discount my own feelings unless there is a good reasons to have
them, is a betrayal of self. It is
believing in a circumstance outside of me-some arbitrary standard-instead of my
own reality.
If I am hungry, tired, cold, thirsty, sad, angry,
frustrated, or happy-I can learn to accept that is how I feel and not look to
find a "reason" why I feel that way.
Feelings don't make sense. They
don't follow a pattern of logic. They
just are. Feelings are not dependent on
external conditions.
Yet, I find myself trying to make them fit into a checklist
of excuses, reasons, or rationalizations.
I can be tired whether I had enough sleep or not. The conditions inside me are the ones I need
to pay attention to. I don't need an
excuse for any feeling I have, what I need is to listen to my body, my mind, my
feelings and accept. It is only through
accepting my feelings without judgment that I can then address the
corresponding need.
If I feel tired, I can rest.
If I feel hot, I can turn up the a/c.
If I feel sad, I can write or cry or ask for a hug. It is impossible to address my needs unless I
acknowledge my needs. And looking for a
reason why I have the need before it is acceptable, is detrimental to my mental
and spiritual wellbeing. I respect
myself and I trust my perception of reality.
I claim my feelings with no explanations.
Thank you for helping me to separate my feelings from my logic and that they are two separate threads in my life's tapestry. I confuse them, to the peril of my peace of mind.
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