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The Green Cabinet and My Sense of Self



Two days before we moved, I was at Big Lots buying some things for the house.  I saw a green cabinet that I really liked.  Since we sold our bedroom suite when we moved to Austin, we have made do (in our temporary apartment) with one dresser which resulted in much of our clothing living in plastic crates. 

Now that we are in a home and have more room, we need drawer space.  I had picked a spot in the bedroom to put a chest of drawers and all I needed was to get one.  The space the chest of drawers or whatever furniture I could find to fit the storage needs would have to fit was smallish and odd.  There is a half wall so it couldn't be taller than 40 inches and the wall to the closet was only 40 inches so it couldn't be long either. 

If you have ever looked at dressers or chests, you know how impossible it is to find something in that size range that you could actually put clothing in.  I liked the green cabinet because I liked the color and it had 2 shelves and glass doors and it would fit perfectly.  I didn't get it because we had not actually moved and I wanted to get in and settled before doing so.  But I did take a picture of it and show it to my husband and some friends. 

A few days after the move a friend came to help me with putting up paintings, curtains, and books.  Making home.  She is a long-time dear friend.  She encouraged me in changing the curtains I was putting up in the bedroom to be more colorful.  I was putting up teal curtains instead of grey.  I showed her pictures of the green cabinet and she made some remarks about how the green wouldn’t match the teal curtains.  I tend to be a varied colored person.  I like to have lots of color around me.  Not huge swathes of clashing colors but I am not a person to let the decorator put navy, rust, and tan and be done.  By the time we were done talking, I was filled with doubts about the green cabinet. 

I began to believe there was something better out there, something perfect that I just hadn't found yet.  I started searching.  Over the next 10 days I went to 3 Goodwill shops, 3 resale shops, 2 furniture stores, 3 big box stores, an office supply store, a raw furniture store, 2 home improvement stores, and looked extensively online.  Nothing.  Nothing would fit or it was priced way out of our budget.  I saw one chest of drawers in mother-of-pearl and blue chevron stripes that was exactly the right size and only $1699.  Needless to say, I was discouraged.  I trudged from resale shop to thrift shop trying to figure out what to do.  I was tired and had lost all confidence.

Last night I announced that I was ready to just give up.  My husband said, "Why don't you go get the green cabinet you liked in the first place?"  I explained about the whole it won't match idea and he asked if I liked the color.  Well, yes I did or I wouldn't have latched on to it in the first place.  So we went to Big Lots to get it, but I still wasn't convinced that I knew my own personality and mind. 

I looked around at all they had and saw a few other things that would work.  There was an off white chest (very chintzy), a larger darker green cabinet with mirrored doors, a white cabinet with mirrored doors that was on sale and my green cabinet.  I spent about 20 minutes toying with making one of the other cabinets work and living with it before getting the green cabinet.  I told my husband we would go home and take one piece of it out of the box and set it against the wall and see if the color "worked".  That is how insecure I had become.

We did just that and I walked around the room.  I left and rel-entered.  I opened the curtains, closed the curtains, turned the lights on and off and I liked the green.  So, we built it (with at least 5 taking apart and re-putting together episodes, but that is another story).   End of tale is that I love it.  I think it looks great in the room. 

 

So that ends the story, but there is a moral to the story.  Believe in yourself.  Surround yourself with things that you love and don't worry about other people's ideas of taste.  Make your home your own.  You live there.  Love it.  And love yourself.
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