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Catching the Cat

I feel as though I have spent the last 5 weeks chasing a cat with a cage in my hand.  I see the cat and think I have it trapped and then zoom.  The cat disappears and pops up somewhere else.  I start again.  I call it, I put out food, I lie in wait –still the cat eludes me and my cage is empty.

I have been trying to get some health care treatment for back and knee pain.  Figuring out what to try, how to obtain the help, what help I need, what is covered, and most of all, getting insurance lined up has felt exactly like trying to catch a cat that does not want to be caged.  I have been standing up for myself and saying what wasn't working for me and then alternated with feeling like maybe I was wrong.  What do I know about it after all?  I keep thinking that there must be a lesson here. 

I have been referred to orthopedic doctors and had my insurance confoundingly (because insurance company says I'm covered) turned down for that doctor. I've been referred to physical therapy and the therapist and I did not mesh.  I've asked for a different one.  I don't know if they will be able to help.  I've had well-meaning advice from friends and some might help.  I've continued trying exercises and taking meds.  I've continued using ice and heat and, of course, my most predominant tool – complaining. 

There must be some way to make this easier and more harmonious.  I haven't found the way yet.  I keep trying and it is depressing.  I am in pain and I want help.  I feel lost and confused.  And then I catch sight of the cat and I am filled with hope and trust. 

Maybe the lesson here is to take this one step at a time and be patient.  I believe I just have to try the next thing and be willing to say what is working and what is not, even if that means my doctor won't "like" me and will think I am a pain in the donut. 


First, put the cage down.  I can't make the healthcare system work the way it should in my mind, I cannot make the doctor give me more information than she has, I cannot know what is the best treatment.  I can pay attention to my body.  I can keep asking questions.  I can let my healthcare providers know what I am feeling.  I can believe I will be okay.  The cat will come to me.  It is, after all, my cat.
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