What's the Magic Word?

What's the magic word?  I am sure most of us have heard variations of this question as children.  It was a way of teaching politeness and good manners.  The magic word was please.  it may seem like an old-fashioned idea for us to bother with please, thank you and pardon me in casual discourse with our family and friends.   That is simply not true.  It is important.  While manners may be old-fashioned in the sense that they have been in use a long time, their use is not something that should be easily discarded.    

The use of polite phrases imply an agreement between people.   They also allow us to develop our sense of self and share that with others.  We build our relationships with people through our casual discourse.   When we say please to someone we are indicating our comprehension that what we are requesting belongs to someone else and we want them to share with us.  Thank you implies gratitude.  The use of manners acknowledges ownership, generosity, sharing, gratitude, and reciprocity. 

"May I use this soap?", does not have the underlying sense of an exchange between two people.  There is a lack of engagement or relationship.  One of the key elements of building relationships is an understanding of personal  territorial claims, levels of generosity, sharing, recognition of boundaries, and respect.  "May I use this soap, please?", shows respect for another person's property, personal space, and allows them the opportunity to share and be generous. 

Respect is a key element in any healthy relationship.   In a true friendship, there is always mutual respect.  And that includes respect for property, beliefs, boundaries, experience, and needs.  We each need to feel as though we are respected and be able to show that in return.  The use of good manners and politeness in our discourse gives us the opportunity to build solid respectful relationships. 

Please show your friends and family respect and thank you for letting me share.