Humility

It is hard to be humble.  I mean that sincerely.  It is hard to ask for help.  To admit I cannot do something, deal with something or take care of myself without help.  Old patterns set in place when I was a child centered on “do it, do it now, and do it right” keep haunting me.  The directives and shifting correct answers were all enforced with fear of punishment.  Punishment was physical and it was swift. 

 That was many many years ago.  It is astonishing sometimes how I can be paralyzed making a decision and suddenly realize it is the fear of punishment—of getting in trouble.  It is easier to see the pattern now and recognize it for what it is – an outdated and useless reaction to a choice.  And it happens with big decisions and small.  I know the truth now which is that there is no punishment.  There are no wrong choices. 

 When I make a decision or attempt to solve a problem and it doesn’t work out, that only means I get to learn something and try again.  Sometimes it means I get to change my mind about what working out means.  It is an ongoing and enlightening process.

 So, for me, humility means remaining teachable.  It means being willing to ask for help.  I don’t mean that it has to be as clear cut as “please help me”.  And it certainly doesn’t mean dumping a problem in someone else’s lap and saying “fix it”.  No, it means taking responsibility for and understanding what I can do and what I cannot.   

It can be as simple as keeping contact, keeping up-to-date with your friends and family.  Making sure you have a circle of people in your life that you can call on for help.   It can mean understanding that what is hard for you could be easy for a friend and you can help each other.  It can be talking something out with someone just to get some perspective.  It can mean talking a problem out with someone who will just listen, so you get to hear the problem in a new way.   My preferred method of gaining clarity is writing about my options and what I feel.

If I remain conflicted after that it means I haven’t really figured out what my block is.  So I wait, meditate, write, and then take action.  That action may be no action if that is what is called for.  Most of the time perspective, thought, prayer and humility clearly show me the appropriate action or next step.  

Because life is fluid and what is clearly a choice in one circumstance or on one day might not be the next day or if the situation is more complex than I thought.  Changing my mind is as important as making up my mind. I believe a willingness to alter direction, take a new action, or rethink a decision indicates growth and wisdom.