I have been immersed
in the world of spies the past few weeks.
Reading about them and watching programs about them and their
lives. These are the super spies—the
ones who are really very good at their jobs.
The stories explored the reasons why that might be so and agreed most
exceptional spies came from dysfunctional, and sometimes deeply abusive,
homes. I found that interesting.
I have spent years
detailing the handicaps I have as a result of my childhood. I had never really thought about the
benefits. For the first time I looked at
my life growing up in an abusive alcoholic home and wondered what skills and
qualities I picked up from that experience.
In my home; rules,
conditions, and consequences changed often and rapidly. Punishment was a constant but erratic and
uneven. I learned to plan carefully and
think of all possible consequences before attempting any action. I use that skill today. I am a tactical genius. I adapt to new conditions and changes in the
plan very easily. I see obstacles,
solutions, and possibilities where others do not. I know how to compromise to reach a greater
goal. I learned these skills at home.
I also learned to
read people and pick up on emotions. My
hyper alertness keeps me aware of my surroundings at all times. I can sense potential danger and get out. I can tell when people are paying
attention. I feel the energy of a room
or a person very quickly and I use that to find my way in my relationships with
others.
Vagueness was an art
form in my home, so I am very specific and literal. I say what I mean. And I question others to make sure I am clear
about what they mean. My verbal and
written communication skills are at the top of the charts.
I am decisive and
resourceful. Supplies, extras, and even
necessities weren't provided on any reliable basis by the adults in my home, so
I learned to figure out ways to provide for myself. I am a good cook and I can cook with whatever
ingredients are around. I'm like the
MacGyver of the kitchen and the office.
Among the skills I use regularly without any training are using office
software, bookkeeping, marketing, creating web pages, writing curriculum and
teaching. I just decide I can do
something and figure out a way. It may
not be the easiest way or the correct way, but I get it done.
That leads me to
another quality—determination. I don't
give up. Ever. I know I have a core of strength and
persistence. I was beat down so much as
a child, and in so many ways, that I decided I was going to outlast all of it
and them. I was going to keep
going.
I'm aware that I
have innate qualities and advantages and that many of my skills were
preset. I now also believe that my
experience has honed some of them to a fine tune and I have managed to survive
and thrive in spite of my childhood, and in some ways, because of it.
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