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Push-Through Day


A front is moving in and, much as I affirm otherwise, the weather affects me.  So I got very little sleep due to a vise grip headache leading to a push-through day.   Radiating, throbbing pain now dulled with medicine and caffeine, yet it is not doing the job. The skin on my head feels too tight for my skull and the pain is hovering right behind my eyes.  

But here I sit at my desk doing 'the hold your eyebrows up as high as you can and maybe your eyes will stay open while you sway in your chair' dance.  It is a huge strain to stay awake.  I am feeling so sleepy.  The idea of lying my head down on the desk and taking just a little nap is almost irresistible. 

I am attempting to be productive in spite of the clear directives from my body.  And I don't want to.  Yet, I don't want to feel guilty that I haven't done what is needed.  Seems the real quandary here is about acceptance.   

Truthfully, if I don’t do a blessed thing today the world is not going to fall apart.  In fact, probably no one will even notice the absence of effort on my part.  There are plenty of things to do but nothing urgent. 

Still, here I sit in my chair at my desk and force my eyes open in order to accomplish nothing.  It is almost worse than if I just give in and go take a nap.  So what I am doing is writing about it.  That is productive minus any pressure and it is helping me to see more alternatives than push through or sleep.

I can spend 15 minutes doing little things that don't require heavy thinking like filing, answering email, or making calls.  I can spend 15 minutes doing some yoga stretches as that will have the benefit of loosening my tight muscles.  I can take a quick nap and then get back to work. 

When I only see on/off choices in my life it is a clear sign that I need to stop and look again. There are always many possibilities and things taken in small steps are usually the best answer for my well being. 

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