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Honesty in Friendship

Sometimes I get caught up in trying to make other people feel better about things that are out of my control.   

"It’s not up to you to make their choices more palatable to them."
--Carolyn Hax

Interesting thought and one that I don't think is very easy to put into practice.  It is hardwired into our society that we have to present the best possible spin on choices.  Maybe it is part of the marketing angle in a Capitalist society.  Wherever it comes from, it is there. 

I also think we are predisposed to connect with other human beings and form alliances.  In order to form those alliances, we want to make people like us.  So, we try to make them feel better so they associate us with feeling good. 

Don't you catch yourself doing it at times?  Trying to make things sound better to someone when you don't believe their options are good at all.  When the choice is between a rock and a hard place it is almost painful to declare that truth.  We don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. 
 
Yet, true friendship, I believe, requires honesty.  That doesn't mean I tell my friends my opinion on every thing about or in their life.  It means when they are discussing choices they are facing and asking for a hearing about them, I listen and I offer my experience if I have any.   I offer any other information I might have that is relevant.  I listen, I sympathize, I share, I ask questions, and, most important of all, I am there.

What I don't do, is tell them what choice to make or what is right for them.  I also don't try to smooth over problems. 

For example, if I have a friend in a relationship and they are constantly fighting with their partner, there have been incidents of betrayal, abuse and/or drama.  I don't tell my friend everything is fine when I don't believe it is.  At the same time, I don't tell them to get out of the relationship.  I tell them to value themselves.  I tell them they are worth it and deserve to be loved and respected.  I ask them what they really feel. 

I will tell them everything is going to be okay because I believe it is.  We never see the end of the story and, as long as we are alive, we continue to write our stories. 
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