Skip to main content

How Do I Fit?


Figuring out how I fit in the world is an ongoing challenge. What is my purpose? One day I believe I know and I am a-okay with who I am and what I am doing with my energy and time.

The next, I feel I am wasting my intuition, skills, and creativity. When am I going to get off my butt and "do something" already. Get a 'real' job. You know the kind where when someone says, "what do you do?" and there is a clear cut answer. I don't have one of those now.

You would think at my advanced age, I would have it all set in stone, but that is not how my life has worked. It is a continuing journey. I find I have to make a point of acknowledging the small victories, the miracles, the triumphs. I have to accept the limitations, my ignorance, and the missed opportunities. I have to live with my choices.

It is a balancing act--up and down, peace and unrest, purpose and confusion. I can see progress in that the extremes between these are not as wide. The spaces are lessened and I spend more time somewhere in the middle. Not a bad place to be. Today, I am healthy and loved. I have food, transportation, shelter, and responsibilities that affect others. And today, that is how I fit.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Overwhelmed

I had been chiding myself or really driving myself crazy trying to figure out how to address the torrent of shocking, frightening, unbelievable new policies, orders and changes to our society.  I have been zooming back and forth – a call here, a letter there, a petition, protests, town halls, posting – trying to figure out what I can do.  The feeling of inadequacy is compounded by my physical limitations.  This morning I realized that if I had 500 times the energy and 1000 times the physical strength, stamina, and fitness I still wouldn’t be able to address all that I care about.  There is simply too much.    There are numerous things that touch on my personal life, things that hurt people I know and love, and things that are wrong and impact many people.  I am for free speech, civil rights, reproductive rights, voting rights, equality, a welcoming immigration system, a government that works for the people.  I care about education, social servic...
1 comment
Read more

Harborsick

I feel harborsick.  I am not homesick because I don't really feel a sense of home anywhere.  I read books about people who are so comfortable and familiar in their towns, homes, work, and relationships and I don't feel that right now.  I do feel that there are familiar harbors – people and places that I feel comfortable and "at home" with.   But, I don't have a spot I long to put anchor.  There is not a place I belong . I want to claim my familiar harbor.   A feeling of belonging and purpose and where I know I am always welcome and I can be completely comfortable and myself.  I want to feel there is a place I can return to and feel I fit.  A port where everyone speaks my language.  A Cheers vibe if you will. I was talking to my sister this morning and she brought up some ancestral ties to other countries and where we would like to visit.  There are a few countries I would like to visit.  Italy, especially, has al...
Post a Comment
Read more

Patterns

I wonder how much of my jaded instantaneous instinct to squelch is learned and how much is a part of my personality.  I so quickly turn to no.  Yet, I feel that as a child I was sunny.  I was bright and wanted to believe in hope and good.  My experiences as a child and the ways of reacting to life I saw as examples in my life were the exact opposite of hope and good.    How much damage did the abuse do?  What did it change or form in me? Was nature part of it – did I pick up skepticism from my parents through DNA?  It is easy to trace some responses in my life directly to what I saw modeled.  Other things I have worked for years to change my reaction to learn a new way.  That is just as important and it might be that it only redirected me back to my natural essence.    I wonder about these things.  And a part of me examines my thoughts and responses to events in life from things as simple as a chance remark overheard t...
Post a Comment
Read more