Don't Assume What You Don't Want To Do Is The Same as What Someone Else Doesn't Want To Do

I had a very out and about sort of week last week--filled with interactions, trips, new places, new faces, and new situations.  An avalanche of stimuli to an introvert like me.  And because the week was so busy there were still errands that needed to be done on Saturday.  Seemingly simple things to the eye, but for me, a dreaded challenge. 

I started dreading them when I got home on Friday night and kept feeling that way all night long.   I kept dashing around in my mind like a squirrel looking for some way to get out of doing the 3 errands.  And at the same time I was consumed with guilt that I didn't want to do them. 

The result of all this sleepless anxiety – a headache.  The headache somehow made it easier (more acceptable in my mind?) to tell my husband in the morning that I didn't want to do the errands and ask him if there was any way he could do them alone.  

He wad delighted.  No, not just being nice and sweet to me at his own expense.  He really wanted to do them.  He is an extrovert and loves to go talk to people.   He also wanted to go and feel like he was doing his part of keeping our household running.  See, he sometimes feels guilty that he doesn't do as much of the maintenance of life things that have to be done as I do. 

So, he ran the errands, and I did bookwork and housework.  We each played to our strengths, did something to help our family, and got to feel valued for our contributions.  And best of all, both of us felt recharged by the effort.  How's that for a win? 

Sometimes I get in my own way so much trying to control and do what I think is "my job" that I forget that we can work together and that we want to work together.  I forget that I can ask for help.  Even when people in relationships are trying very hard all the time to be honest, the tendency is toward ambiguity.  It's human nature to assume we know how someone feels or to project our motivations, phobias, personality traits, and feelings on someone else. 

Don't assume that what you don't want to do is the same as what someone else doesn't want to do.  And don't assume you know how someone else will feel about helping you.  What is needed is clarity.  Ask the simple questions and expect a direct answer and then believe it.  "Would you  _____?  Y or N.