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Trust Touchstone


I have been feeling very tense and anxious. Looking for a reason for all this flurry of nerve activity. Life is as life is. I have even been chastising myself for the anxiety. And let me tell you that does nothing to calm me down. I keep trying to find a "good" reason for how I felt. Instead of just accepting how I feel.

Accepting tension, free-floating anxiety, nervousness, as a state, is difficult for me. I have the illusion that if I can assign a logical reason for the state of my mind, it will make it easier to bear. It does nothing but add an extra layer of tension. The end result - I can increase the anxiety by being anxious about not having an explanation for my behavior. If it wasn't so detrimental, it would be amusing.

There are actual reasons for my nerves, but they are irrelevant since I know that all peace comes from within, comes from acceptance, comes from letting go. And, because I know that anxiety is really about a deep belief in lack. The only reason I am fearful is because I am afraid there will not be enough money, time, love, help, work, …of something…and the something is just a symbol.

Resolving the issues that cause the anxiety will not remove the tension because it is not really tied to those things. It is tied to my lack of trust in the universe and the coinciding fear of the future. And the only way to ease my anxiety, is to go within, meditate on trust, and focus on gratitude. I can do this because my experience has taught me that there is always enough. Things don't usually turn out the way I think they will or should, but I'm okay. I have enough. And that is something wonderful to feel grateful about and to return to for my trust touchstone.

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