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Honesty Erases Shame


Recently, I was thinking about my level of honesty.   I was specifically thinking about how I used to lie to doctors.   Now that may sound crazy and I am not going to argue with you there.  They were almost always lies of omission.  I was simply so filled with hubris that I was certain I alone could decide what was wrong with me and what information the doctor would need to give me the diagnosis I was looking for and the treatment I felt was indicated. 

So, crazy is not off the mark.  I didn't even realize I was doing it.  I actually deluded myself into thinking I was being helpful.  I was not clouding the issue with extraneous information.   I really had myself believing I was qualified to make these determinations.

The thing is I don't have a medical degree.  I have no real idea what is important information and what is extraneous.   That was me all over, always thinking I needed to know all the answers before the questions were asked. 

I did this for years and never realized that I had a problem.  It is a wonder that I ever recovered from any ailments.  And it is completely understandable why there are some ailments I still suffer from and some that took years and years to figure out, not to mention, many doctors. 

But through years of self-examination and dedication to practicing the principles I believe in on a daily basis, I have become much more open and honest.  It was gradual and it spread from one area of my life to others.  I now tell the doctor everything I can think of about my physical and emotional state no matter how unconnected it might seem, to me.  I don't have to hide things and blame myself in secret for whatever is wrong.  Facts just are and are not a value judgment.  I find this very freeing.  Honesty erases shame. 


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