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True Value Eyesight


I've been thinking about how my decisions reflect my beliefs.  I profess to certain beliefs, principles, and values.   How do they show up in my practice though?  I profess to value people for their totality.  All the qualities and quirks that make up the personality and the person.  I don't look at people and wonder how much money they have or think they are more important because they have a great deal. 

Yet, it seems that is not how I look at me.  When I get stressed or worried trying to make a decision; the ones I wrestle with are the decisions that might cost us money.  I agonize over those.  Interesting.  I can "lose" sex, love, time, energy, sleep, work, fun, learning, help, whatever - but when it comes to money I make it more important.  

And the really ironic part is that I actually lose sleep, time, energy and more worrying about those decisions.  I know that at times I easily make a choice that my time or health or quality time with loved ones is of more value than whatever something will cost, yet this defect crops up often enough to cause me to pay attention.  I want to weed it out.  I want to live the way I believe all the time because this attitude seeps into my psyche.

I catch myself feeling less than successful, a loser, a failure because I don't feel I have a monetary value.  I tie my own earning capacity to my value.  I minimize all my qualities and contributions.  I know we live in a capitalist society.  It is our economic system, but it does not have to be my value system.

I want to look at myself with the same eyes I look at others.  Every day I see, talk to, or interact with someone and think how interesting, fun, caring, helpful, smart, and neat they are.  I don't have any idea what their net worth is, and it doesn't matter.  Today I see myself with my true values eyesight and I like what I see.

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